I was doing a Google search this morning, mainly checking the scuttlebutt on blogs talking about Navy IA deployments and I came across a very recent article on dispelling some myths about the IA deployments.  I’m posting the link here.

I’d also like to try and reach out to other Navy IA wives.  I know I have a few IA spouse readers but if there are others, please stop by and say hi.  I’m going to try and start posting more IA information or interesting articles, links, etc. for the IA community. 

The Navy is making efforts to increase family support for those of us whose husbands have done or are doing an IA deployment, however, there are still lots of spouses out there completely left on their own who need support.  Not everyone lives close to a major military base where support groups might be offered and this IA thing is a whole different animal.  Sailors are being called up to do Army jobs that they would never have anticipated and that makes them and their families uneasy b/c no one knows what to anticipate.  Plus, in many IA billets, there is a new and different level of danger that many sailors and their families are not prepared to deal with, me included. 

So, if I can do anything to put some information out there that might be useful or just be here to listen as you sound off, I’m here.  I got through the IA and I know you fellow IA spouses can too.

Along with this, send some support over to Snarky Navy Wife, whose husband just deployed as an IA to Afghanistan.  Her husband’s job over there is going to be far more dangerous than they anticipated and she needs all the support she can get.

A co-worker/friend of Obi-Wan’s is having some marital issues with his wife.  Obi-Wan was telling me yesterday about a conversation he had with his friend “Joe” (not his real name) about his marital issues.  Joe mentioned something along the lines of needing space from his wife and that he spoke with several other Navy friends who also agreed that “sometimes, you just need space from your spouse.”  That it was just run of the mill to need space.  Obi-Wan found this very interesting and odd that this guy is in a marriage where he feels that he needs “space” from his wife and vice versa.  Sure, we all want some time to ourselves, away from our spouses b/c they are driving us nuts or whatever the case, but needing space of a more lengthy nature just seems odd … to me at least.  Obi-Wan agreed.  We are happy in our marriage and actually like spending time with each other.  Neither one of us understood his friend’s dilemma and need for space.  He doesn’t know the guy terribly well either yet - they’ve only recently become friends and co-workers and he doesn’t know all the marital discord details.  But he was surprised to hear that, as was I.  It just seems sad to me.

To me, if you are in a marriage where you feel that you need that kind of “space” perhaps you shouldn’t be married to that person.  That’s just me.  I always say before you love your spouse, you should like your spouse and like being with them.  Love just isn’t enough, you have to like and respect that person too.  While no marriage is perfect, mine included, I can honestly say I look forward every day to coming home and seeing my husband and he feels the same way.  I still get excited to see him and spend time with him.  That we both feel that way after 10 years total together is amazing but we really do feel that way. 

Okay, enough shmoopiness for one day.  I don’t want any readers throwing up over all the sweetness here. 

Have a great 4th!

Obi-Wan and I were sitting outside having dinner last night and the conversation drifted to the fact that neither of us can believe he was gone for a year from our house.  It still amazes both of us that he was gone for that long.  At some point, the conversation turned to how I coped with the deployment and I said to him that if this deployment had happened earlier in our marriage, I wouldn’t have coped as well.  I didn’t have the sense of confidence and independence that I do now and that came from him.  He enabled me to survive this and all deployments.  He constantly motivates me to stay positive and think positive and focus on the positive so that if I’m having a rough time, I don’t let it drag me down for too long.  It’s taken years for his “jedi knowledge” to sink in but it has finally.  I watch how he deals with things and think to myself when I’m in a situation, ”what would Obi-Wan do” (WWOWD).  He has empowered me with the tools to deal with challenges in life and I said to him “the highest compliment I can give you is that you make me want to be a better person.”  There’s a lot that I’m leaving out as far as who I am as a person and how I used to cope with things and look at life in general but I’ll say that he’s changed a lot of that for the better so I had to give him props.  He was like “wow, thank you, I didn’t know you felt that way.” 

That says a lot about our relationship and I think any relationship with your spouse should have that element.  Spouses should make each other feel empowered in some way, whether it’s enabling each other with “jedi powers” or something else. 

I hate that phrase.  While watching Army Wives the other night, an “angel” character said that to one of the women on the show who was grieving over the loss of her daughter.  Immediately, I thought of the sarcastic response to that phrase which I believe some comedian or other famous person said years ago which was “Death isn’t a part of life, it’s the end of life.” 

I was in a bit of a grumpy mood too so that played into my attitude about the phrase.  I kept thinking if it were someone close to me that had died, it would be ridiculously hard for me to soldier on and just accept that “death is a part of life” and move on.  Heck no.  I’d probably be overcome with sadness and grief and the last thing I’d want to hear is something like that b/c quite frankly, death is the end of life.  It’s not like other events are a part of life such as marriages, moving, and other rites of passage.  Death is the finality, the endgame. 

I know what the phrase means and what it’s suppose to accomplish when said, but I just plain don’t like the phrase.  To me, it’s a crappy way of trying to get someone to accept the loss. 

And yes, I’m still cranky while writing this so forgive my hostility. 

by Navy CS.  Since I was tagged last year, I’m just going to paste my responses to that tagging here.  I will change one though to respond to the rule about presenting an image of marital discord but that is the only rule I’m following.  I’m not creative enough (at the moment) to come up with another list of odd and unknown facts about myself. 

1.  In lieu of the DH’s absence, I give my dogs a ridiculous amount of puppy hugs.  They make my worst days go away with their happy tails wagging and hugging them makes me feel better. 

2.  If I could live in a vat of chocolate, I probably would.  That is how profoundly (and perhaps disturbingly) deep my love of chocolate is. 

3.  My ideal Saturday or Sunday morning would be (aside from spending it with the DH) having a cup of coffee, a bowl of Lucky Charms and watching The Smurfs.  [I can't help myself, Lucky Charms and Smurfs were when life was so much more simple - it takes me to a happy place.]

4.  Obi-Wan and I don’t often have moments of marital discord but when they do, it’s over something stupid.  Like this morning for instance … getting up at 4:30 am 3 mornings a week to work out is wearing on me and this morning, I was extremely cranky about getting up.  I proceeded to be a grump-monster through most of the morning while we worked out and I know he gets frustrated b/c I have the abililty to change my mood … just not the desire.  I flat out told him I wanted to stay grumpy b/c I felt like it.  Just like a 5 year old would say.  Eventually I snapped out of it but it took awhile.  So, not serious marital discord here but a little bit of discord nonetheless.  I told you it would be something stupid. 

5.  I talk to my dogs a lot.  Not that I’m crazy (of course you may think otherwise) but who else will I talk to with the DH gone.  And every morning before I leave the house, I say to them “no wild puppy parties while mommy is at work.”  So far, they’ve obeyed the rules on that one. 

6.  I love to procrastinate.  In fact, I’d say I put off procrastination.  Not with everything and almost never at work, but with a lot of things .  My motto is why do today what you can put off until tomorrow.  The DH is the exact opposite on this so it makes for interesting times in our house. 

7.  I listen to just about any kind of music and I can literally go from listening to someone like Patty Griffin or Ryan Adams one minute to Rage Against the Machine or AC/DC the next minute.  I listen to my iPod at work all day on speakers and you never know what I’ll be playing when you walk in my office. 

This happened a few months ago and I just happened to see it mentioned on another blog.  I’m not offering my opinion one way or another on this but she had some legitimate arguments for refusing to go … and not the typical “I’m against the war” arguments.”  The type of assignment they were sending her on was typical of the IAs I have seen where the assignment in no way at all matches anything about the sailor’s background.  Obi-Wan and I talked about his own IA assignment a lot before he left and he expressed a lot of the same sentiments that this woman did on how she felt like the Navy was just pawning off warm bodies overseas to fill a gap.  If they are going to send sailors over there to help, at least try and make use of their best skills and background so that their being there is purposeful and productive. 

But on the other side of the coin, as the article states

“Lt. Weiner’s failure to report … was counter to good order and discipline, negatively affected the command climate and represents a failure to live up to the Navy core values of honor, courage and commitment. Lt. Weiner effectively put her personal desires above the needs of the Navy team and the nation …”

Whether it was right or not for her to refuse, especially being a commissioned officer, and not honoring her military obligation is not for me to say.  There is probably a lot more to the story then what was reported also.

If anything, her situation draws more attention to the whole IA process and how the Navy and Airforce are filling billets overseas.  It’s not pretty and makes almost no sense.

that startle me from Obi-Wan.  Last night, we had crazy bad thunderstorms in the area and at one point, there was a really loud boom.  It woke me up and scared the bejesus out of me.  He put his arm on me and said “it’s okay.”  And then went on to tell me how he when he heard the loud booms in Iraq, they were usually explosions and used to scare him.  He said particularly that when he would hear them towards the end of his tour, it shook him up b/c he would think “I hope I make it back home safely.”  Having him open up like that sort of startled me a bit.  I knew that he was fairly safe most of the time but that occasional mortar attacks did occur, some closer than others, where he was.  But I kept that out of my head so I wouldn’t lose my freaking mind worrying all the time.  Hearing him talk about his thoughts regarding the fear with the explosions, etc. just threw me for a moment.  No emotional drama ensued or anything but it was an unsettling peek into what he must have gone through over there.   

My friend K and I went and saw Sex and the CIty last night.  Excellent movie.  Makes me want to go on a shopping rampage after seeing all the great fashion they wore in the movie.  I’m not giving anything away here for those that haven’t seen it.  I will say there were some unexpected twists, great drama, hilarious moments, and of course, fabulous shoes.  Oh - and there was some excellent man eye candy in there for you ladies.  Between Jason Lewis (who is just freakishly gorgeous) and another hot male character in the movie named “Dante”, you’ll get your fill of eye candy.  If you liked the show, I think you’ll be fairly pleased with the movie.  The characters mostly remained true to how they were in the show and that was what I liked about it.  I felt as if I was watching the show again, only 2 hours long instead of 30 minutes.  It was great to figuratively be back in New York again with those crazy ladies. 

I really like the show Men in Trees and just found out it was canceled back in May.  I don’t know how I missed the news on that but anyway, I’m bummed.  I thought the show had some great dialogue and I loved the different characters and I’ll miss watching their stories each week.  I really wish these networks would actually give shows a chance to thrive before yanking them off the air.  Granted this one was on for two years but they constantly moved its airtime around, which made it hard to develop an audience.  I know I was always confused because it was moved around on different nights several times but I always managed to find it. 

I have a few others I’m peeved about as well.  I liked Journeyman and October Road among others and was disappointed to hear they weren’t coming back.  And yet we get stuck with all the mindless reality shows.  Why?  I could care less about most of the reality shows they put on tv now except for American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance and Last Comic Standing .  Those are the only reality shows I usually watch.  But all the other stuff on really doesn’t appeal to me at all.

Anyone else disappointed with show cancellations for next year? 

I am pleased to report that date night was successful.  We went to the movies and then dinner afterward as planned.  Date night started out great with about 45 minutes of some good ole’ fashion arcade games at the theater.  We had time to kill before the movie started so we played two games of air hockey, each winning one.  Air hockey is a contentious game between us because we both get really competitive and trash talk each other.  It’s all good after the game but during the game, we are mortal enemies practically. 

The other game we played for awhile was Galaga , which we both absolutely love.  It was a blast playing some of the older games like that, and in my opinion, that’s when video games were truly awesome. 

So, date night was fun and we had a great time hanging out with each other.  Oh, and we saw the latest Indiana Jones movie.