A new beginning
I’m trying to lift myself out of the perpetual crankiness I’ve been in for awhile now. It’s not easy. I didn’t and don’t want to be one of those women whose happiness rests solely on her husband being home. For the most part, I don’t think I’ve been like that throughout this deployment, but lately, I have. I don’t want to be around couples and watch them bask in their coupleness because it makes me sad and I was never that girl before. Right now, I am and I’m trying to snap out of it. I’m trying to focus on positive things because as much as I hate Obi-Wan not being here, there are a lot of other good things in my life to make me happy and thankful. I just need to get that through my thick skull right now b/c part of my brain isn’t hearing that positive talk. It’s saying “go ahead and be miserable, it’s okay.” But I don’t want to be. I’m generally a bubbly and happy person most of the time. This dark twisty cranky me is someone I don’t like.
So, note to self – “quit being cranky and perk up.”
I know how you feel, and I know what you mean. I found the only way around that sad feeling, especially in the presence of other happy couples, was to focus on the good parts of being “single” during a deployment – no need to call dh if I’m going to be late, no need to make a big dinner, less frequent bathroom cleaning required, etc. – and try hard to ignore the numerous bad parts. It worked for the four- and six-month deployments. I don’t know how it’s going to work this year, with effectively a year plus underway or on an IA.
At least you’re almost through this one. You’re so strong having made it this far. Keep the chin up. It’s almost over.
KL
January 2, 2008
I was doing that for awhile. Especially focusing on having sole possession of the remote control – that was a biggie.
But I think my patience has waned and I’m over it. This is the longest deployment we’ve done so it definitely testing me on many levels. The 4 and 6 month deployments will look like pie after this.
Snarky – you are in my thoughts too with your upcoming IA. I’ve been keeping tabs on you to see what’s been happening. I’m here if you need it!
slightlysaltyspouse
January 2, 2008
I think that the holidays and the fact that this is the longest he has been gone probably plays a part in your mood, too. You’ve done an amazing job so far–I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in your emotions. You just need to accept them for what they are and move on from here. Keep your head up, and know we’re here for you!
Ann M.
January 2, 2008
Ugh. I know just want you mean. I turned into that person while Mark was gone. I was shocked that it happened – I never expected to react that way. But we can’t control our emotions – all we can do is try to be aware of them and go with the flow.
Or, in my case, try to drown your sorrows with adult beverages, cigarettes and blogging …
Jan Wesner
January 7, 2008